Conflicted...

I'm excited, thrilled, elated, and many more wonderful words when it comes to this pregnancy - but I am also incredibly nervous. There are always a million things running through my head regarding the pregnancy, a lot of "what-ifs". The fact that we will have a baby in May doesn't seem real to me yet even though we've heard the heartbeat and seen the ultrasounds. It is almost as through I don't accept things yet. I know the reason is that last time we experienced this (pregnancy that is) we never got to bring our son home. Instead we got to pick flower arrangements and plan a funeral -- not what we had planned.

It's just frustrating because until we are actually holding a healthy baby at the end of this I won't let myself believe that it is actually happening. That said I'm doing my best to enjoy the little things (other than nausea and the other not so fun symptoms) throughout the pregnancy. Life gets hard, but if we don't work through it ourselves we can't expect it to change.

Alright...time to go but only one more week until our next ultrasound!!

Much Love