I don't really have that much to say that everyone doesn't know already. Jack's gotten so big and he's making all these awesome little coos and gurgles. I'm having so much fun just sitting with him and talking, or playing around with him. He's doing a lot more now than just sleeping, which is great because, frankly, he was kind of boring before. I mean I get that his whole motivation was a one-two, sleep-eat kind of thing, but that's no excuse for being so predictable. Seriously though, everything is just a little bit more fun now, especially because every day he is closer to approaching some kind of milestone. He holds his head up almost exclusively on his own now, something that was impossible for him to do a few weeks ago. And the smiling thing has been worth every bout of howling and extremely dirty diapers, because I can honestly say with a whole lot of confidence that he smiles at ME. That's a huge thing for me.
I think one of the things I've noticed most about myself in regards to Jack is that I'm a lot more confident in my abilities to look after him. I handle him a lot easier and know that he's not going to break. Actually, Nikki doesn't know this, but sometimes I bend a limb in awkward positions and just keep pushing it until just before the point where it would snap. Just to see how far he can go. Except that thing I just said is a lie. I'm sorry. So I play with him and I know the things to do if he is crying, and I'm okay with letting him cry himself to sleep sometimes because I know he's been taken care of in every way possible. I dunno, it's hard to explain for me. I was never scared of being alone with him, but I kind of was. Nikki is so good at handling babies in general and him in particular, that I always just followed her example whenever I could. I initially thought that I would pale in comparison to her and the things that she did to take care of him, but I've gotten better with that I think. I'm okay with being with Jack for a bit by myself, because I know I can feed him, change him, comfort him and play with him just fine. I guess I've grown in that way.